See the giant oak tree standing majestically in the field, its branches swaying in the breeze, more delicate leaves falling to the ground. Yet the tree stands firm, rooted securely. It is only in a severe hurricane that it may become uprooted.
A few yards away grows a slim reed, much smaller than the mighty oak and swaying back and forth wildly in the wind. Even in the harshest of weathers, it withstands every stormy challenge, bending and bowing with strength and flexibility, before returning to its upright stance.
Are you a giant, sturdy oak? A flexible reed? Or are you a fragile sapling, vulnerable to snapping, collapse or destruction in bad weather?
We each have our own unique story of resilience. Although we are likely to experience similar events during our lifetime, such as relationship break-ups, bereavement, financial difficulties, ill-health, etc., it is how we respond to these challenges that makes us unique. It may not be possible to avoid such things happening, but we can determine the extent to which they impact on our life. We can learn to bounce back from adversity and adopt a resilient mindset which is protective, affirming and transformational.
With resilience, life need not be daunting, problems can be tackled and every new experience creates opportunities for learning and personal growth.
Resilience is not static, it’s a dynamic, continuous personal process. Natural ‘reserves’ of resilience are determined throughout childhood and developed or tested throughout our life. There are a number of different factors that contribute to the development of a resilient, ‘bounce back’ self, and by working on aspects of these, even small changes can make a significant impact on overall resilience.
With low resilience, you may feel a sense of helplessness, as if waiting fearfully to see what life throws at you next. Life may feel full of obstacles and overwhelming demands. You may feel like a small fragile child facing a gigantic, hostile world, resigned to your fate and unable to resist or respond. This can lead to further loss of confidence, self esteem and feelings of failure, ineffectiveness, anger, blame, resentment and depression.
With high resilience however, you will be able to respond to challenges with energy and resourcefulness, seek out support, and bounce back quickly from adversity. You will have confidence in your own abilities, adapt well to change and accept responsibility for your own actions.
There are many reasons why we need to be resilient right now – here are just a few:
- We are facing the challenges of a worldwide health crisis which may leave us feeling helpless and vulnerable
- The daily pressures of family life under ‘lockdown’ can be immense
- Our familiar freedoms have been severely restricted and we can no longer do many things we would normally choose to do when we want to do them
- Our environment may be unchanging for all or most of the day
- We may be living with a lack of privacy or an emotionally ‘safe space’
- With limited opportunities for physical separation within the home, tensions are likely to increase
- The toll of constant distressing news stories can be overwhelming and frightening
- We may be unable to continue our usual working life which may bring feelings of loss – of structure, relationships, income, purpose, identity, etc.
- We may feel angry – with people around us, the Government, the world, or ourselves – and be unable to express our feelings adequately or at all
Does any of this sound true for you? If it makes sense and you’d like to learn how to become stronger and more resilient to be able to tackle the challenges we’re facing, I’ll be posting some great strategies and tips over the next few days. Let me know your thoughts and what things you’re most struggling with right now. Together we can thrive!